The Comfort of Tradition
Growing up in a conservative religious environment like Mormonism provided me with a sense of structure and security. The belief that a higher power controlled my life offered comfort, balancing grace with the responsibilities of devotion. Life’s biggest questions had answers, and the weight of uncertainty was lessened by the belief that someone else held the reins. In retrospect, I now understand this to be a natural stage of human development—that involves relying on external sources for guidance and safety.
A Shift in Spiritual Understanding
As I grew older, my need for external spiritual authority began to wane. My faith transition led me to question who Jesus was to me. While I still revere the historical figure and Christian values, my expectations of him as a Savior shifted. It felt as though Jesus “died,” not in the literal or traditional sense, but because he could no longer fulfill the role of an all-powerful figure who could rescue me from life’s difficulties. This was a jarring realization and a step toward understanding that the strength I sought resided within me, not in a figure outside myself.
Facing Life Without External Rescue
Without the comforting belief in an external divine rescuer, I’ve been forced to confront the consequences of my actions head-on. When I experience anxiety or sadness, there’s no longer a religious framework to hold me up or provide relief. Instead, I’ve learned to turn inward, tapping into my internal strength. This shift has been challenging, as it means taking full responsibility for my actions and their impact on others and myself. The loss of an external “reset” for human failures can be painful, yet it raises the question of whether such a resolution is truly necessary—or even possible.
Rediscovering Power Within
As a psychotherapist, I’ve found that the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model reflects much of this journey inward. IFS teaches that we all have a core “Self” capable of healing and loving the different parts of our psyche. It’s a concept that mirrors what traditional religions often attribute to an external divine force. In my spiritual journey, I’ve seen this internal power as immutable—something we all possess but may overlook if we remain focused on external sources. While these ideas can be unsettling for those who find comfort in traditional beliefs, I cannot return to my former way of thinking. Today, I believe that the Divine, if it exists, wants us to embrace our internal authority and stand firm in our power grounded in love and curiosity.
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If you find this topic interesting, I recommend Leaving the Saints: How I Lost the Mormons and Found My Faith, or The Dark Night of the Soul.
